Horse for sale! Or, perhaps more accurately, approx 13 hands of idling equine power awaiting a noble (or humorously absurd) purpose. Meet Moonshine, our Tennessee Walker stallion who is less about the walk and more about the lounge. His name is the brainchild of a 3-year-old visionary. No, this doesn't mean our little girl is a lush-in-training, or even knows about my wife's obsession with "mommy juice," but rather was inspired by how the horse's striking white coat, enhanced by a brown tail and select patches on his flank, chest, and forehead would shine in the moonlight.

Now, if you’ve been on the hunt for a poor-man's unicorn with a blue eye and a brown one that gives him that perpetually bewildered look, then we might just have the deal of the century for you. There’s a decent chance Moonshine thinks he’s a dog. He’s as friendly as a golden retriever but can’t fetch to save his life. Or really do much of anything. He is, however, up to date on all shots and vaccines, so you won't have to worry about him catching the flu.

This fella has had a rough past. Rescued from a feedlot, he's undergone a major career change from potential glue ingredient to full-time lawn ornament. He spends his days roaming around our field with a motley crew of horses, a mule, and a donkey, none of whom he seems to think are beneath him.

The thing about Moonshine is, he's absolutely unbroken, untrained, and uninterested in labor of any kind. We tried teaching him once, but his sole response was a roll of the eyes and a leisurely trot towards his favorite patch of grass. His idea of physical exertion is a spirited dash towards the sweet feed – he reacts to it like a moth to a flame, or for those of us that grew up in such areas, like a crackhead to crack. It's rather comical to watch.

As far as riding him goes, let's just say he’s as experienced as a sofa. It’s not that he can't be ridden. Oh no. He's simply devoted to maintaining his status as the world's most complacent horse. And he's darn good at it. His resume includes extensive napping, professional grazing, and a PhD in Looking Cute While Doing Absolutely Nothing.

In conclusion, if you’re looking for a horse that could potentially win the Kentucky Derby or carry you into a medieval joust, this probably isn’t the guy for you. However, if you need a freeloading, four-legged conversation piece that occasionally gallops like a beauty when the wind blows the smell of sweet feed his way, then you’re in luck.

We're selling Moonshine because we're tired of him outshining us with his blatant laziness and unyielding commitment to leisure. It's hard to keep up! He'd be perfect for someone who appreciates a handsome lawn ornament, a part-time pet, and a full-time comedian.

Remember, though: he's not just a pet – he’s an investment in jealousy generation, as your friends and neighbors will surely be jealous at your ability to keep such a beautifully useless horse solely for the laughs.